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Butterfly Ceremony 7...Messages From BeyondHand Made by ChrisFavorite ThingsIt's Your Birthday
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Messages From Beyond
Butterfly Kisses From Chris
8.30.2009
Hibernation is good for me sometimes, but there comes a time when you hibernate so long that it becomes not so good for you... and you need someone to reach in and pull you out. This time, that someone was my sister Jane.
After a few rough weeks and no intention on coming out of hibernation, my sister called me asking, "So when do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?" I had forgotten her invitation the week before, to spend the weekend at her house. I explained to her that I didn't think I'd be good company right now, but she encouraged me to come anyway. I accepted her invitation and made a pact with myself to take this time and get out of the funk I was in.
Mostly it was a lazy weekend, we watched a great movie on Friday night, "Last Chance Harry. A must see! Saturday we had breakfast at Starbucks, her favorite spot, then poked around in Michael's Art's & Crafts, then Borders book store. Were going to read The Shack together. I've read it already, but it's one of those books you've got to read at least twice, and have someone who wants to discuss it's meaning in depth. Jane is the perfect person to do this with because of her deep connection with God.
While at Michael's she said that she wanted a new hobby, so I suggested painting. I helped her select some supplies and later that day we had planned on sitting on her back porch to paint the beautiful scenery. Her back yard backs up to woods and a big field, which is home to dear, rabbits, ground hogs, fox, and abundant species of birds. It is so peaceful and beautiful there, and being a nature lover and smoker, I always spend a good bit of time out on that porch soaking in all the beauty.
I take my camera where ever I go, and out at her place, I always get some wonderful nature shots. The whole time I was there I saw many butterflies, but this one little butterfly landed on the porch and off I ran to grab my camera from inside. If you know anything about butterflies, you know how illusive they are. Well this lil guy was a ham for the camera from the start, or at least I thought...
http://www.nestbox.com/sections/MDbutterflies/rspu.htm
This beautiful Red-spotted Purple (Limenitis arthemis astyanax) allowed me to snap several photos of him before he flitted off about his way. A short while later, he returned, so I snapped more pictures of him. Off he went again, then came back again! This time I reached down and rested my hand in front of him, and up he climbed, and stayed for at least 10 minutes! More pictures, with my other hand of course, and I was in my glory! Smiling from ear to ear, I felt an incredible peace, a happiness I've not felt in a very long time. All too soon, he left me, and went about his business. But, he came back again! And again I placed my hand down beside him, and up he climbed. I took more pictures of him on my hand, posing my hand against the sky as a backdrop for his splendor. Off he flew into that big blue sky...
I pulled out my Chinese Paint set and decided to paint him. I mixed a blue to match the sky, and began to paint, and just then, he came back to me yet again!!! and landed RIGHT on my paint tray which was sitting on the table in front of me!!! I instantly reached down, worried the paint would harm him if he ate it, and he got up on my hand again! It was then, that I KNEW this butterfly was from Chris. Maybe even that is was Chris! I felt my son WITH ME! Through that butterfly's touch, his tiny delicate legs crawling on my hand, his haustellum dabbing at my skin, the brush of his wing against my face, as I held him close as if to hug him. I felt my son's touch. I felt him right there and my heart sang and soared like the birds in the sky! He stayed for the longest time.... it was like I was spending time with Chris, that's the only way I know how to explain what I felt during my time with this butterfly.
You may call me crazy, a bipolar nut job, or just a dreamer. My three year old nephew even calls me Mudda Nacha (Mother Nature), as if to make fun of me even though he thoroughly loves discovering nature with me... I call me LUCKY! Losing my son to murder may have been the most unlucky thing happen in my life, but through his earthly death, he has shown me THE most incredible things! Things he could never have shown me living here on earth. Things he has learned since leaving, through HIS eyes, by his hand, from his world beyond the veil of a butterflies wings.
I took 112 photos of this butterfly, and I. They are sacred treasures to me, and too precious to share online where they can be so easily stolen. So I made this collage to accompany my writing. Photoshop was used to meld the individual images together to create this collage, however each photo is true to my experience with this butterfly. Please respect that this image is a gift to me from my son, my art work, and not for anyone to take or use as their own.
Hibernation is good for me sometimes, but there comes a time when you hibernate so long that it becomes not so good for you... and you need someone to reach in and pull you out. This time, that someone was my sister Jane.
After a few rough weeks and no intention on coming out of hibernation, my sister called me asking, "So when do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?" I had forgotten her invitation the week before, to spend the weekend at her house. I explained to her that I didn't think I'd be good company right now, but she encouraged me to come anyway. I accepted her invitation and made a pact with myself to take this time and get out of the funk I was in.
Mostly it was a lazy weekend, we watched a great movie on Friday night, "Last Chance Harry. A must see! Saturday we had breakfast at Starbucks, her favorite spot, then poked around in Michael's Art's & Crafts, then Borders book store. Were going to read The Shack together. I've read it already, but it's one of those books you've got to read at least twice, and have someone who wants to discuss it's meaning in depth. Jane is the perfect person to do this with because of her deep connection with God.
While at Michael's she said that she wanted a new hobby, so I suggested painting. I helped her select some supplies and later that day we had planned on sitting on her back porch to paint the beautiful scenery. Her back yard backs up to woods and a big field, which is home to dear, rabbits, ground hogs, fox, and abundant species of birds. It is so peaceful and beautiful there, and being a nature lover and smoker, I always spend a good bit of time out on that porch soaking in all the beauty.
I take my camera where ever I go, and out at her place, I always get some wonderful nature shots. The whole time I was there I saw many butterflies, but this one little butterfly landed on the porch and off I ran to grab my camera from inside. If you know anything about butterflies, you know how illusive they are. Well this lil guy was a ham for the camera from the start, or at least I thought...
http://www.nestbox.com/sections/MDbutterflies/rspu.htm
This beautiful Red-spotted Purple (Limenitis arthemis astyanax) allowed me to snap several photos of him before he flitted off about his way. A short while later, he returned, so I snapped more pictures of him. Off he went again, then came back again! This time I reached down and rested my hand in front of him, and up he climbed, and stayed for at least 10 minutes! More pictures, with my other hand of course, and I was in my glory! Smiling from ear to ear, I felt an incredible peace, a happiness I've not felt in a very long time. All too soon, he left me, and went about his business. But, he came back again! And again I placed my hand down beside him, and up he climbed. I took more pictures of him on my hand, posing my hand against the sky as a backdrop for his splendor. Off he flew into that big blue sky...
I pulled out my Chinese Paint set and decided to paint him. I mixed a blue to match the sky, and began to paint, and just then, he came back to me yet again!!! and landed RIGHT on my paint tray which was sitting on the table in front of me!!! I instantly reached down, worried the paint would harm him if he ate it, and he got up on my hand again! It was then, that I KNEW this butterfly was from Chris. Maybe even that is was Chris! I felt my son WITH ME! Through that butterfly's touch, his tiny delicate legs crawling on my hand, his haustellum dabbing at my skin, the brush of his wing against my face, as I held him close as if to hug him. I felt my son's touch. I felt him right there and my heart sang and soared like the birds in the sky! He stayed for the longest time.... it was like I was spending time with Chris, that's the only way I know how to explain what I felt during my time with this butterfly.
You may call me crazy, a bipolar nut job, or just a dreamer. My three year old nephew even calls me Mudda Nacha (Mother Nature), as if to make fun of me even though he thoroughly loves discovering nature with me... I call me LUCKY! Losing my son to murder may have been the most unlucky thing happen in my life, but through his earthly death, he has shown me THE most incredible things! Things he could never have shown me living here on earth. Things he has learned since leaving, through HIS eyes, by his hand, from his world beyond the veil of a butterflies wings.
I took 112 photos of this butterfly, and I. They are sacred treasures to me, and too precious to share online where they can be so easily stolen. So I made this collage to accompany my writing. Photoshop was used to meld the individual images together to create this collage, however each photo is true to my experience with this butterfly. Please respect that this image is a gift to me from my son, my art work, and not for anyone to take or use as their own.
Chris's Amazing Butterfly Cloud
Fall of 2003
Terry took me to the Shenandoah Mountains. He knew how much I love nature, and desperately wanted me to find some peace. On our way home I was falling asleep, exhausted after hiking the entire day before. I thought to myself, "Wake up! and appreciate the beautiful scenery before it's gone!"
I lift my head up to see one lone dark blue cloud form a pointing hand (just like the same position of Chris's hand in the photograph here) at the end of the pointing finger a perfectly symmetrical butterfly formed!
As I sat in complete wonderment, excitedly pointing toward it, Terry yelled, "It's a butterfly!" I was speechless, as I struggled for the camera sitting in my lap, not taking my eyes off of this awesome sight, it quickly dissolved into the sky within seconds... unable to get a photograph of it.
As I sat in complete wonderment, excitedly pointing toward it, Terry yelled, "It's a butterfly!" I was speechless, as I struggled for the camera sitting in my lap, not taking my eyes off of this awesome sight, it quickly dissolved into the sky within seconds... unable to get a photograph of it.
As I watched it form and dissolve with fluid grace within a matter of seconds, I heard Chris's voice in my head, "LOOK MA! Look what I can do!" I heard him speak to me as clearly as if he was sitting in my lap!
Years ago when we lived in Virginia, I bought a set of butterfly window clings. Chris's favorite was the Blue Swallowtail. After moving back to Baltimore I placed our favorites on my car windows. This one has been on my windshield ever since, and is the only one left that the sun didn't bake into a crisp. This is the same butterfly Chris painted with the clouds for me.
I had this tattoo done on his 20th birthday. I chose my wrist, so I would always see it, to remind me of his message to me that day. It reminds me, that somewhere, somehow, he IS still alive and his spirit is free from the pain of this world.
Chris loved art, and was so proud of my artistic abilities. As a child he would compare his work to mine and never be satisfied with his own creations. You can view photos of a few of his creations for me on the Hand Made by Chris page. I feel like this message from him was to tell me that he has no constrictions now, no self judgment or cruel criticism from others, and is happy and in complete peace.
My illustration of Chris's gift to me~
Chris Creates Another Butterfly For Me!
March 22 2009
I had had enough of the computer, so I decided to make some lunch, eat and try to take a nap.
While my Beefaronie heated in the microwave I washed up the few dishes in the sink (I've been REALLLY good about keeping up on them the last few weeks-something I've not been good at since Chris moved out... (that was always his job...) and I despise doing dishes because as a kid, it was my job, so as an adult I revolt and use paper, plastic most of the time. While washing the dishes, I thought how proud Chris must be that I've been doing so well at keeping up with them.
Anyhow, I wash them up, got my drink, go to grab a fork from the dish drain rack, and look what's in the sink!
I flew upstairs to grab my camera as fast as I could, in hopes it didn't disappear down the drain before I got back.
Some people surely think I'm nuts LOL, some people think it's just me seeing what I want to see, reading into something of coincidence. I don't think every butterfly that flits by is a message from Chris, I don't think every cloud I see has a message in it. When something like this happens and there are definitive correlations to our history, is when I see it as a message.
July 21st 2007 was the 4 year anniversary (or Angelversary as we bereaved parents call it) of my son's Earthly departure. I have changed, grown and learned so much about myself, faith in my Spirituality, and life in general in these last 4 years...
I try not to call what happened to my son "death" for how could he TRULY be dead when I feel his presence by my side? How can I say he is "Resting in Peace" when he shows me he is with me in Spirit, when he sends me the most incredible messages to bounce that RIP crap on it's heals!? LOL
Some may say my experiences are willed... or that I'm an orange colored fruit loop... I say FOOEY! I BELIEVE! I KNOW, I HAVE SEEN!
The messages Chris sends me are too numerous to write about, from the spectacular butterfly he painted with the clouds, to the huge yellow swallowtail that franticly circled my niece and I over and over again. He shows me alllll the time he is by my side, guiding me through this journey, helping me find my way.
Some call them Angels, they may be... with elaborate fluffy wings to carry them from place to place, all I know is my son IS ALIVE, somewhere, some place, doing his work there, while I do mine here.
We WILL meet again Chris! and then my heart will no longer ache to hold you in my arms.
Brown & Orange
Chris & Jack
Chris & Jack
June 21 2007
Monday at work, while in the back room (warehouse/garage) I saw a beautiful moth flying around, a big sucker, like 2 inches or so, and such pretty colors, orange and brown... odd! While writing this I JUST realized my favorite photo of Chris, he's wearing orange and brown shirts! Hmmmmm
Anyhow, I felt sorry for this moth stuck inside and wanted to catch and release him back to the outside where he belongs... he flew up into the lights over and over, out of reach, no way to catch him up there... sadly I figured he would die in the store...
Later that day I saw him all the way up front, dashing around the front store windows, as if to try and get out, again so high and out of my reach
That night, I opened the garage door to pull my car out, and whoooosh! he flew RIGHT PAST ME! and out he went! I stood there with a BIG smile on my face that he was FREE!
THEN he turned around and flew right back toward me, almost into my face! I thought he was going to get trapped inside again so I wailed my arms wildly yelling nooo noooo, and he turned and flew back outside to stay.
I was so happy he was free! and smiled for a while thinking of this
THEN today, Robin and I were upfront in the store, at the registers talking... she's been really missing Jack since fathers day. She was telling me about the songs shes heard recently that have upset her, because they made her think of him, and miss him even more, then she told me that we (our store) got an award from the company for Teamwork through Adversity (Jack's death) and how she cried when Allison presented it to her today....
JUST then, this orange and brown moth flew right between us, and to the front windows!
BUT I had seen him fly free....
how did he get back inside!? was it the same one? another just like him? we stood with our mouths wide open in wonder... and she said, "It cant be the same one! can it!?" I had told her about the moth on earlier...I said, "Robin, now thats a sign!" the timing was just TOO right to be anything otherwise.
again out of reach, I let it be and hoped he would find his way back outside...
off to lunch, a horrible headache all day, feeling cruddy, I ate 1/2 of my sandwich, and sat outback for a smoke before returning to work. I sat thinking of Jack, of Chris, of my friends, counting my blessings, and wondering how my life will pan out... watching similar scenes re-enact before me as they have many times before while sitting there... a handicap woman in her scooter strolling down the shaded street, the two Mexican workers renovating the house a few doors down, the neighborhood patrol van going past, the thin man standing outside the gay bar smoking a cigarette, with its proud rainbow flag flapping in the breeze... all things i enjoy seeing every day... kinda makes life seem a bit normal for a change.
I head back inside, walk up beside my car, and theres my moth friend again! flying beside me and up into the darn light again! is this sucker following me!? I watch it and it comes right back down, over the hood of Robin's car, and down to MY FEET and sits there! I cover my hand over top of it, and very gently scoop it up with my other hand, cupped inside of my hands, I feel its silky wings fluttering inside as I walk to the back door, open it with my elbow, and set it free (once again? or for the 1st time?) and say "fly free beautiful, fly free"
The Excited Yellow Swallowtail Butterfly Brings Praise
June 12 2007
Sunday was a chaotic day... the last day of the weekend family reunion, lots of packing up, and restless children in dire need of naps!
Our departure time was delayed due to Kendy's {my brother in law's sister} accident. While trying to get on a paddle boat, she lost her balance and fell into the pier causing a huge chunk of wood to be jammed into her thigh. Off to the ER she went, and we sat and waited for her. Finally we got the call that she had been seen, and drove to meet them at the hospital.
During the 4 hours that we waited, I took a walk alone. Camera in hand I ventured down this path of tall grass that led away from the pavilion. Taking in all the beauty, I noticed these little spongy things, kinda looked like coral, but soft. While stooping down to check them out I see a few small tree stumps with interesting shapes. I place a few of the spongy moss pads around the stump, then a few pine cones, a few living trees, some other greener type of moss... before I know it, it looks like a little fairy village.
I head back to the pavilion to get my niece Alyssa so I can show it to her. We walk back to it, and I ask her if she would like to add something to it. She finds some straw grass and asks where a good spot would be to place it. I tell her "Where ever you like sweetheart."
I look over her head, behind her from the path is this HUGE yellow and black swallowtail butterfly coming right for us! I must have yelled in excitement because Alyssa jumped up and clung to my shoulder as I was kneeling on the ground. The butterfly circled us at least 12 times! around and around it went and when it came around the front of us, it acted as if it were going to land on my hand like 4-5 times it did this. I had a cigarette in my hand and was afraid it was going to get caught in it, it was hard to be still because my eyes just had to follow it as it circled us. In my amazed excitement, with tears streaming down my face I kept saying to Alyssa, "It's Chris, Chris sent him to us Alyssa! It's Chris!!" she was scared and clung to me the whole time, perhaps because of my excited reaction to it and because it was THAT big!
Once the butterfly left, I explained to her that Chris sends me butterflies, like how she said he tickles her when she's trying to go to sleep. I showed her the butterfly tattoo on my wrist and said, "Honey don't be scared, it's a BEAUTIFUL gift from Chris, to let us know he is here with us, we just can't see him like we see each other."
Once back at the pavilion I told Jess about it. Jess is my youngest sister, and was very close to Chris. Alyssa came over and Jess asked her about the butterfly. Alyssa says, "Yes Mommy, Chris sent us a butterfly, Aunt Cherri was crying, but they were happy tears" then she ran off to play.
I take this as a CLEAR message from Chris because:
1. I hadn't seen ANY swallowtails yet this year.
2. I have NEVER seen a swallowtail THIS large, it's wingspan was at least 6 inches across!
3. I hadn't seen any butterflies the whole weekend while there, perhaps 1 or 2 Sulfers off in the distance...
4. The way it came directly to us, and circled us so many times, and tried to land on me.
5. and lastly the timing of this butterflies visit - while spending quality time with Alyssa and teaching her about nature, letting her make her own choices as to where to place the straw grass... I could never let Chris do it his way... never had the patience.
Thank You Chris! Your message will help me stay positive and focused on my journey. I miss your earthly and bodily presence terribly, but I know without a doubt that you still exist in some other way, and I believe that we WILL reunite one day. In my time left, I want to make you proud, your message shows me that you are. I will continue until my last day here. My reward, holding you in my arms again and knowing that you are proud of your Mama.